Achievements During January 2011

 

Aukermdr

Unlike penguins, modern auks can fly. Oh yes, M’dear, Auckermdr’s 3/531 SCNP personal best is a definite flight into personal-best territory.

 

bennieloohoo

I was looking at bennie one day when it suddenly clicked. Look closer at his name. Move some letters around. What do you see? “I, one lone hobo.” You may have thought that bennie was Heck’s lovable rapscallion, but he’s actually one of Hodgman’s minions sent to infiltrate our clan and wreak - I’m sorry, I’m being told that his anagram is actually Noble Ohio One. I apologize. Ladies and gentleman, I present Ohio’s own Jerry Springer! And now a final thought. There are some who like to eat food. Some even like to drink booze. There are many ways to generate adventures, but bennieloohoo is able to set personal best 4/502 SCO runs without eating anything at all. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

 

bleary

Bleary blasted ballroom blinzes, bamboozled bean burritos, beat back beer, bypassed booze - brilliant! What I’m trying to say is that bleary set a personal best 12/888 HCO!

 

bmaher

In my mind, Lost is a sagely old man not unlike Pai Mai. I see him sitting in the lotus position on a sandy beach in California putting out custom mafia builds with his mind. A quick trip to his profile page informed me that I’m probably wrong about pretty much everything. That makes me a little sad, but his 4/923 HCNP and 4/362 SCO brings the smile back to my face. Nicely done, Sensei.

 

Borommakot_15

Not one to rest on his hearty laurels, Boro celebrated the new year by pulling off an impressive personal best SCNP run of 3/564. Way to go, Sir Sunshine!

 

darkgreycat

darkgreycat is making his first achievement bulletin appearance this month and that means a clean slate. A whole slew of potential writing opportunities. Will we go with a wikipedia-based entry? The first result when searching dark grey cat on wikipedia is snowball from the simpsons. That’s pretty fun. No, DGC deserves something new. What do you get when you search dark grey cat on amazon.com? Holy crap, darkgreycat is a rainbow pearl necklace! Oh, and something about darkgreycat being among the top 10 all-time softcore boozer acenders with his 3/567 SCB. Nice!

 

Demon Llama

Here’s a llama/there’s a llama/and another little llama/fuzzy llama/funny llama/llama llama FAST. Oh, have that stupid song stuck in your head, now? Sorry. Regardless, DL is meme-free (and faster than a duck) with a new personal best of 4/739 HCNP.

 

Desatysso

As of the time I write this, Desatysso’s personal best 2/507 SCNP sits at the #8 all-time spot for SCNP. Being in the top 10 for SCNP is something to be proud of, so congratulations. Oh, and having a name that’s an anagram of Ed Ass Toys is also something to be proud of.

 

Drec Sutal

Drec Sutal is more than just a master at Minecraft, he somehow also manages to be a master of Kol. This month he posted 2/526 and 3/467 SCNP runs. Did I mention that he’s also really quite impressively talented in Minecraft?

 

Eevilcat

For actors, there’s no higher honor than receiving an academy award. For scientists, it’s the nobel prize. For Aunt Betty’s Borscht Emporium, it’s getting the Borscht of the week named in your honor. And for the AFH(k) achievement bulletin, there’s no higher honor than being the person we inevitably forget to include. This month that honor goes to Eevilcat and her 12/1652 BM S run. It was so impressive, we didn’t want to tell anyone about it for fear that it would hurt everyone’s self-esteem. So thanks a lot, Ee, now I’m going to go sit in the corner and think about how I’ll never be as good as you.

 

eigenbasis

eigenbasis was supposed to get a fun write-up based on info gleaned from the wikipedia entry for eigenbasis, but I didn’t understand a damn word on that page. Since that wasn’t going to work, I was planning to make a joke about him, but Cornell students tend to be under enough stress as it is and I wouldn’t want to push him over the edge. So, um, Ithaca is gorges and eigen’s 3/504 SCT was pretty gorges too.

 

Flexor2

We can only assume that Flexor2 chose his name based on Flexion, which as everybody knows is an anatomy term for a position that is made possible by the joint angle decreasing. This assumption is even more obvious this month, due to Flexor2’s duo of decreasing- a 2/528 SCNP and a 3/443 SCB. Flex on!

 

iaruk

Whenever I read iaruk’s name, in my head it sounds like Ryu shooting his surge ball. Hadouken! Iaruken! Just me? Ok, let me tell you about iaruk’s 12/945 HCO then. (Haha, I bet you just read that one like Ryu. Welcome to my world.)

 

Instalite

Instalite in my eye

like a diamond in the hole in the sky

How I wonder

Instalite strung from bad moon

and the world your gas balloon

Peeping chester for the mother hellseal station

exposure esplanade’s cold, spring raindrop erases

and the calm away by the saucestorm is chasing

Everything good ’n’ slimy needs replacing

Look strung up, look phonics down, all fishing around, Instalite

 

Oh god, that just happened. I’m sorry. Look, Instalite set a personal best 4/817 HCNP and I got kind of carried away. It won’t happen again

 

Jaelith

I spent the past month in utter fear of Jaelith, after the terrifying write-up about her namesake killing people by hammering a tent pin into their head whilst they slept. Her 3/531 SCT run adds to her intimidating demeanor- she can be fast while sober, which is even more frightening. Great job (no, really- great job. Put down the mallet. Please).

 

Jesusisagurl

Holy feminine deity this dude(ette) is FAST…regardless of gender confusion and colloquial spelling. Grats, Jes, on Your 3/524 SCNP.

 

Kevlar

Kevlar can stop bullets. Kevlar is 5 times stronger than steel. Kevlar is, um, also used in the production of bicycle tires? Kevlar’s lesser known function is tearing up hardcore ascensions. His latest was a 5/979 HCNP. Nicely done, you para-aramid synthetic fiber.

 

liizu

The first rule of speed ascension is: be named liizu. The second rule of speed ascension is: seriously, be named liizu! In January, liizu set personal bests with a 2/511 SCNP and a 2/606 SCB. The boozer run is currently #1 all-time. While her SCNP was impressive, she has an even more impressive run that I’ll tell you all about next month. I mean, what? We don’t write these weeks late <_<

 

lotsofphil

This entry intentionally left blank.

 

maddsurgeon

Oh hey, look… madd is drinking again and scoring a 5/777 HCB. Now that he’s fallen off the wagon, look out for fights at family functions, rambling phone calls at 3am, and great runs!

 

Malygne

Maly gne is not my ascender, he’s just a guy who claims that he is the one. Wait, no, he actually is an ascender and a good one at that. Malygne set a personal best 4/911 HCNP this month. Never forget.

 

NightBird

Day Man, fighter of the NightBird, champion of the HCB sun. You’re a master of ascending and friendship for everyone. Uhh ahhahh Day Man! That one goes out to NightBird for pulling off a great HCB run with a 5/700.

 

Numenor

I have a fever and the only cure is more nun! Neon rum? Omen, run! Any way you slice him, Numenor is one fast hardcore ascender. His latest personal best was a 4/846 HCNP. Keep up the nice runs!

 

Omri

O is for only the best need apply. M is for many compete, but fail to compare. R is for really quite good at this game. I is for isotherombrose. Why? Because when you put up runs like Omri’s 4/715 HCB, you can make your letters stand for anything you damn well please. Great run, Omri!

 

Pantsless

This month Pantsless capped his crimbo cheating season with a 9/1320 BMDB 100% Black Cat run. That’s #1 all-time for 100% black cat bad moon. Congrats, !pants, you’re king of catmoon. But really, that’s like being king of the Justin Bieber fan club. Sure, it takes dedication and only one person can hold that title, but you have to be a masochist to want it.

 

Phel

Phel clearly hates himself. Why else would he have finished his 11th 100% black cat bad moon run in January? Seriously, Phel is in 4th place for all-time black cat HC dedication with over 1100%. Why, Phel? Why?

 

playultm8

playultm8 537 a p3r50nal 8357 14/983 HCO run th15 month. n1cely done!

 

plumber

Plumber took a crack at HCO this month. Your hopes of catching up to him went down the drain after he posted a 9/727 HCO. At first he was putting up a good run here and there, but lately it’s been a real flood of great runs.

 

Quamper

Despite being named as the head of a terrorist organization by secretary of state Clinton, Quamper has managed to find time to put up some impressive ascensions. His 2/537 SCNP and 12/965 HCO have proven that he’s a force to be reckoned with.

 

seishun

Not slowing down for even a minute, seishun managed to put up a pair of personal bests with a 6/1160 HCNP and a 19/1328 HCO. Keep up the good work!

 

ShoTheBandit

Sho the bandit what? Your new personal best 3/612 SCNP? (Actually, if you sho the bandit a student ID, you’ll get 15% off your next robbery!)

 

SnarkyPants

Snax, Party Snacks, the other Snark, whatever you want to call him, just don’t call him slow. Nasty Pranks (One of my favorite anagrams yet) set a personal best with his first 5-dayer, putting up a 5/1119 HCNP. Nicely done!

 

Tarragon

Tarragon is also known as the dragon herb and she has been showing her dragon-like prowess lately. Her HC runs continue to improve and her latest personal best 10/1654 HCNP shows it. Did I mention that it was nearly 100% wild hare?

 

thacon

In January, Quamperleaks’s own Julian Assange took a well-deserved break from the world of Nigerian scammers (well, I THINK he did… wait, there’s a QuamperLeaks lottery that raises funds for left-handed, redheaded orphans, right? Right?! And it really did need ten million meat from each Hardcore member of AFHk to bribe the internet gaming board to keep it running, right?! I mean, you all got that kmail too and responded just like me, didn’t you?!). Um, well, yes, at any rate, regardless of any questionable fundraising tactics he’s a fast ascender with a new personal best of 2/539 SCNP. On top of that, he’s a highly creative fellow, a fantastic recognition and promotion officer, AND a lovely poet… a true renaissance man.

 

Transplanted_Entwife

You should throw bricks at TE. Throw snowballs and jawbruisers at her too, if you have them. Not only is she a great co-recognition and promotion officer, but she’s a heck of a hardcore ascender as well. This month she put up a 4/839 HCNP. There are only 8 people who have put up runs that fast with 37 skills, and one is LotsOfPhil, so it’s more like 7.5. Jolly good show, TE!

 

Tzabor

Tzabor continues to hammer out runs and rack up stats. His latest personal best was a 5/1028 HCNP. He now has 518 ascensions sits at #1 lifetime muscle (69,083), #1 lifetime moxie (70,502), #2 lifetime myst (76,522), and #9 most softcore ascensions. Tzabor is a professional KoLer if there ever was one.

 

ubernuke

Last month was haiku

and this month will be the same

sorry ubernuke

 

Ok fine, if you’re not a fan of bad haikus, I’ll just come out and tell you that ubernuke pulled off a pair of great personal bests with a 7/1253 HCNP and a 2/546 SCNP. Nicely done.

 

Verdigris97

Verdigris posted a pair of nice runs with a 12/1864 BMTT and a 3/599 SCNP. Those are really nice run, but what’s more impressive is that we didn’t forget Verdi this month. I guess when you’re careful, you don’

 

Whym

I’m going to go out on a whym here and say that Whym Burton is probably a fan of Whym’s 11/791 HCO run. You see, I was working out at the whym the other day when I saw Mr. Burton. I walked right up to whym, and said, “Mr. Burton, you’re sure looking whym. Did you switch from whole milk to whym?” Oh, then I told him about Whym’s HCO run and he was impressed, we shared a few laughs, and then we went for a whym in his pool of money. It was a good time.

 

Wiseworm

He’s a nimble-witted nematode… and he took a break from fast softcore ascending and managed a personal-best run of 10/1689 HCNP with 6 skills.

 

Zots

For our last achiever, we turn to the trusty Urban Dictionary for inspiration. According to it, “zot” is either, ”the sound an anteater makes when sticking out its long tongue” or “the sound made when a fool is smote by righteous anger and/or the wrath of god (generally in the form of lightning).” Hey… let’s combine the two, shall we? On second thought… no, let’s not. Let’s simply celebrate our Zot’s accomplishment of a 4/827 HCNP.